Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
resorting to writing on my blog? what's wrong with me???.... it sure has been a long, long, time dearest
anyway, so my mind is just so full of stuff, I fear that if I don't write it down somewhere I'll have another sleepless night like last night, and that is definitely not good for my job or my sanity tomorrow. Anyway, on to the point. I am now seriously considering transfering colleges. Say to maybe MSU (Michigan State University). After my experience this summer getting an understanding of all the 'finer points of the lawyering profession', I can definitely say it is NOT FOR ME. so accordingly, my career path in life needs to be altered. I never really have warmed up to UT, and so I can say without remorse, I would not be upset to let it go. Further, my undergraduate degree in history which I have been currently pursuing will not be getting me very far in life except maybe a job as a teacher for a room full of brats in the future since I no longer plan to go to law school. My aspirations now see to be focused on what I have always loved- writing. Being a writer, editor, or publisher seem like dream jobs to me. MSU has this fabulous Professional Writing program that I am uber interested in so that's why there of all places. Plus, if I chose to, I could still row there (and maybe they'll give me money?), I know a few people who already go there, and I have family in Chicago which isn't too far. Granted, it costs alot more than an in state school, and I'm still obviously going to be attending UT for this Fall semester. I really wish I had figured my life out earlier than this because I just have this horrible sinking feeling time is getting away from me and I'm so very far behind. I don't even know if I'd be able to transfer there for the spring semester of this year, because I just read on the MSU website that transfer students for the Spring semester should apply by August 1st. and, well today is August 1st and I still obviously haven't applied. Meanwhile though, I'm going to feel like this year at UT is simply buying time/wasting it because UT doesn't offer my degree, I'm running out of core cirriculum classes to take, and who knows if what I take here will transfer there or if i even need it there? ahhh! If only time could just stop so I could figure everything out. and if only I could get rid of this horrible feeling that I am so utterly and hopelessly behind. Furthermore, I'm scared. Scared to go to a new school, scared to make such a radical change in my life. UT is the easy, comfortable way out. But for my future, is that the best choice? I think not. Sarah is terrified! and this post has not made it any easier to get to sleep tonight because now I'm even more anxious than before. Gosh I hate it when my mind moves a million miles a minute.
Furthermore, I think I just need to talk to someone about it- just get it all off my chest at once to someone who is breathing and has ears that work who could maybe offer some practical advice or maybe a "calm down sarah, you're freaking out for no reason" or "Sarah CHILL" but being that it is 11pm at night, and most of you my close friends are out of country or sleeping in preparation for work tomorrow (like i should be doing) I have no one to talk to :( Further my asshole of a former interest Frankie is severly pinching my nerves being flakey and needy and annoying and unavailable all at the same time I can't call him to vent like i probably would have 6 months ago. I don't even know what to do with him. or if i ever really want to see him again for that matter. --- anyway though, that's beyond the point and an entirely different topic which could have pages and pages of an enormous blog post written on it alone so I'll just leave it at that---
Oh how things and time change! I must say however that this revelation of finally (hopefully) figuring out a major/career choice that I will truly be happy with in the future is a major one for me. I mean to think that when I applied to college only a year ago, up until the end of this last Fall semester, I was still one of those fabulous "undecided liberal arts" kids who is pretty much branded by society as a failure/slacker at life who will be unemployed and unemployable at the end of 4 years. That always bothered me. I'm not a dumb person. I just.. .well didn't know what I wanted. College came too fast for me. I was physically and emotionally ready, but not mentally, i had absolutely no idea what to pursue. Now I think I've figured it out. Alright, anyway, that's all for now, g'nite!! Love you all-- if there is anyone in the world who even reads this... but w/e, this enormous post has definitely made me feel better. Goodnite.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Wahoo I'm updating... isn't it exciting?
All i have to say is i'm very very VERY psyched everyone is coming to visit me this upcoming weekend at UT. My life is exceedingly busy at the moment with rowing, school work, orchestra, and stress so it'll be so nice to be able to be relaxed and act like my old retarded self when everyone comes. Honestly, I'm as of this current moment not so sure I'm like UT that much (still wish I'd gone to a smaller school)... but then again it's not like I can do anything about it, which puts me in a kind of meh situation. It's just little things that get on my nerves that shouldn't really bother me, but do, and when they all begin to accumulate, I'm not a happy person anymore. My roommate is out of town right now (thank god!) and I have the room all to myself so at least I have that. I suppose what is really what's bugging me is that I've yet to really find a niche so I feel like this tiny speck of dust floating aimlessly around an enormous campus-- and it's not like I have any more time to take on any other activities, so ya- feels like hitting my head against a brick wall. blarg!
Anyway, I really need to get to doing the crappy hwk i need to do, so i bid ye all adieu and goodnight.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Alright several non-related things to say:
-Hope everyone had a FABULOUS Christmas-- I must say I myself am enjoying my time of relative leisure very much (and my kinder eggs toooooooooo)!
-What has happened to my dear Lodgey's blog? It seems to be on vacation (alas-- seems a vaguely reminiscient trait of a blog very familiar to me... lol)
-My iPod is happy again-- errr... my new iPod that replaced my old one is happy so all is well in the world now that I can dance around in my room to my iPod like the commercials which obviously copied my rad dance moves
-Movies: King Kong = very good, (but tooo long....) but sad- but worth seeing. The Producers = hilarious!!! sehr gut -especially 'springtime for hitler' (you'll get it after to see the movie). Love Actually = sexy Karl. enough said ;D
I am sleepy, so g'nite!
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Woe is me! My beloved iPod mini as decided to malfunction in a very unfortunate manner and at a very unfortunate time! I hope Apple will fix it for me/give me another or I shall be crushed! However, purchasing myself a spanking new Samsung portable DVD player (with my after prom dell gift card picking up the tab) has put me temporarily in jolly spirits once again, so never fear :)
Xmas shopping wears me out! I only started today (since I only got back yesterday) and I'm not nearly done... and only a few days left until Christmas, ai yi yi! Shoppers around this time are so fiesty. I'm ant-cy to see everyone again! I wish we lived somewhere we could get a white Xmas. That's all, chao!
Saturday, December 17, 2005
I'm coming "home" the day after tomorrow and it just feels strange. It's returning to the life I once lived it seems. I mean because honestly, what defines home? Is it the place you sleep, the place where your possessions are keep, the place you feel most loved? The idea of returning to Houston right now feels like racing into the welcoming embrace of meloncoly stranger- a memory of what once was. Like plugging a lamp back in after a long vacation- it's prospects are just as bright as before, but yet just not the same. Time's gone by, time that could have been spent faithfully flicking the lamp on and off in daily ritual- but was spent elsewhere, doing other things. Not to say that my Jester East dormitory eminates the glory of what home should personify, but it is the place I've spent the last five months of my life.
Maybe the relationships forged, forgotten, or put simply on pause stop make you think. Are things supposed to be the way you left them five months ago? and if not- are you still supposed to act like you never left? Like high school never finished? Like I haven't changed? Like those hilarious jokes are still funny? When I return again to school in a month for a new semester will those people with whom I most recently passed the time simply slip into memory as others come and take their place?
Often I wonder if I'm being true to myself. If the person I present to the world is truly one of sincerity or rather one of habit. The way people have always known and expected me to behave, the way I'm afraid to go against. Why is it that we often fear the thing we're supposed to know best- ourselves?
This has been a pretty philosophical/reflective post thus far... the world just got me thinking is all.
As for news I know the world is eager to learn of, my guy friend and I are simply that- friends; and quite honestly I think he's beginning to know me better than anyone else ever has in my life. That may sound clique, but our mutual affection towards one another isn't one that I've ever experienced with anyone else- guy or girl. As of now, beyond that time dedicated to rowing, he is the person I spend the most time with. The initial infatuation with one another was simply that I believe- infatuation. I was thrilled that someone, anyone, found me worthy of their affection-- and on his part I don't honestly know what the attraction was. What I know now however is that I've gained a friendship that I will not readily shake. New things are always in motion, and life throws such unexpected curveballs. I just hope that next semester will begin as well as this one has ended.
I still have one more final-- on Monday. Tomorrow is for studying, but tonight I look forward to have my room all to myself :) See everyone soon and love ya'll!
Sunday, December 11, 2005
I'll eventually get to the '5 random facts thing' I promise-- but just right now. :) Patience is a virtue right? Anyway, all i have to say is this has definitely been a week/weekend of firsts.
Thursday-
UT cancels all classes and closes school (1) because of a freezing ice storm that ices over the roads so its not safe for kiddos to drive to school.
Friday nite-
I went with a frat boy(2) to a frat party (3) --well actually a semi-formal-- in San Antonio. We took a charter bus and I saw the Alamo (wahoo) and the Xmas lights on the riverwalk. It was an ok time, not what I thought it was going to be- but I'm glad I went nonetheless. Would I go again? Maybe-- but definitely with some other guy (please!)
Saturday afternoon-
Ran my first 5k fun run/race (4) got myself a fabulous free running sponsered long T-shirt that says "Trail of Lights" (5) and made up an absolutely fabulous "rowing dance" (6) that rivals even the "lawn-mower" or the "sprinkler" (i know you're jealous, it's ok to admit it... )
Saturday night-
Partied with some tipsy buddies (7) and played some blindfolded pictionary with a white board (8). It was interesting stuff...
Anyway, today however will be characterized by Sarah studying for finals and spending a not so out of the ordinary night watching a new episode of Desperate Housewives and then going to bed so i can wake up tomorrow morning bright and early for rowing practice. Wahhoooo!
College life is treating me well :)
oh and update for Christmas-- i'm now not coming home until the 19th or at latest 20th of December b/c due to the ice storm, some of my finals were pushed back. See everyone soon!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Look I'm getting better at blogging already!!
I really enjoyed Thanksgiving Break-- it was much needed. Hope Jessica is fully utilizing her coccaine software ;) Now however I am soooo exhausted probably due to the culmanation of frantic homework doing (avoided over my holiday weekend), extensive "it's the last week of practice before finals so we're pushing you hard" rowing workouts (aka running the UT stadium's stairs=death, 5 mile runs, weights, etc), feeling in emotional limbo b/c my boy toy "doesn't know what he wants", and general lack of sleep (traditional college complaint lol). Meh!! What's a girl to do?... it's only Wednesday!
Anyway, that's about all the news (sorry for so many complaints) from the Sarah front. Good luck to everyone on finals! I'll be home on/after December 17th and if Jilly if you use Lifetime Fitness (like I think you do) you'll be seeing lots of sweaty me there over Xmas break (I know you're ecstatic I'm sure, lol).
Oh and on a completely random note- joining orchestra for next semester and was told initally by the director that I just needed to prepare two contrasting pieces for the audition (so my solo from last year). I've actually been practicing it, etc just to find out this week that lo and behold he's changed his lovely mind and instead I have to learn prepare this completely new and random Jean Sibelius Symphony No. 5 instead for the audtion-- fabulous.... so much for all that time spent on my old solo. arrggg!
Just one of those weeks.
